Keeping Christ in Christian Dating

The two most important decisions in life are 1. Salvation, and 2. choosing a spouse. Dating, according to the world, is for self satisfaction with no shade of concern for the other person. So many enter a relationship with the attitude of, “What can I get out of it?”Instead, keeping Christ in Christian dating relationships should be the focus.

The heart of Christian dating should be the long range goal of finding a mate.  Quick self gratification with no thought of a long term relationship is not pleasing to God. Couples need to realize that a strong relationship must have Christ as the center, not self.


Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.”

I believe the Top 10 Christian Dating Principles should include:

  1. The goal of dating is to find a mate, not self gratification,
  2. Treat the other party as someone’s future husband or wife,
  3. Pray extensively about someone before even approaching them,
  4. Wait for the physical until after marriage,
  5. Teenagers should not date until they are 18 or older,
  6. Don’t put yourselves in physically tempting situations,
  7. Wait for God to bring someone into your life,
  8. Look in godly places, such as church, for a mate. Don’t seek a mate in worldly places like bars,
  9. Have a conviction of holiness ~ remember God knows our every thought,
  10. Be very careful if your Saved family or family caution your against someone.

The first and foremost is to remember that you and the other party are someone’s future husband or wife. What is in your heart to carry out? Finding a mate is the reason for dating; not so that you don’t have someone to spend Friday night with.

The very word ‘dating’ has such a worldly feel. It gives the connotation of going together, breaking up, finding someone else, getting involved with them, breaking it off, etc. It is a carousel ride that always leads back to the same place of disappointment all the while costing you more and more pieces of your heart. Our very first date alone, by ourselves,  was on our honeymoon.

Pray for the Lord to bring that special person into your life. It may take years for that prayer to be answered, but don’t loose heart. Make a prayer list of other things and put “husband”or “wife” on it. Write down the dates the other prayers get answered to help reassure you that God does hear and answer prayer. There is only one right person for your life’s partner so don’t substitute your own solution.

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Tom and Jean 49 years of Marriage
I can’t stress this next one enough– WAIT on the physical. This is for your own protection.

I Corinthians 7:1 “… It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”

If you are truly looking for a life mate then you need to get to know someone’s demeanor, thoughts, interests, hobbies, reactions to trials, and love for the Lord. If you wait on the physical then the physical is not going to cloud your judgement. If someone is only after you because of physical lust then they will probably give up if you are not offering it. Even holding hands before being engaged is not a good idea. Your first kiss should be at the alter when you get married.  Ours was!

There is no reason for teenagers to date when they are so young. They have their whole lives ahead of them. This world teaches that it is ‘normal’ for the kids to run around together, spend time in compromising situations together, hang on each other, kiss, and on and on. I can’t tell you how many people I have met who wished they would have waited. They met someone when they were young, just had to have him or her, and then two years later they are 19 with two kids and divorces or separated. How sad. One lady I met several years ago was divorced with two children at 17. She was pregnant with her first child when she was 15. You only have one shot at your first relationship. So don’t waste it.

I think the best place to search for a life mate is in your prayer closet. Stay on your knees and stay in love with Christ. Trust that delicate area of your heart totally to Him. He will never let you down.

Keep your though life pure. Don’t let your eyes and mind wander. Keep them focused on Christ. The couples who wait for after the wedding ceremony have a much greater potential for a deep, lasting, strong, and passionate relationship than those who don’t.

For those considering dating as a Christian, and parents as well, a few things to consider is the age of the couple. Children in the Bible were not considered adults until they were 20. (Numbers 1:45) That is a Biblical principle. If a couple are adults also remember to give them consideration and courtesy. Just because you know they have a conviction of holiness don’t “use it as a club” on them. Instead invite them to spend time with your family. Encourage the couple, praise them for bringing glory to God for waiting. And leave them alone. If they have waited the are probably on the right track.

And finally, if you have a godly friend, pastor, or relative that has reservations about the person be very careful. (Proverbs 11:14) Don’t just not listen. Consider very carefully what they are saying and pray about it yourself and seek God. Sometimes friends are too quick to judge and pass out advice. But at other times there is a very good reason for a warning.  If someone struggles with addictions like alcohol, drugs, smoking, gambling, or something else, don’t fall into the trap of thinking you can change them after you are married. If someone is already headed in a direction that is contrary to God take notice of it and beware. If someone gets saved then give him time to grow closer to the Lord and don’t move forward with your relationship until you and someone else, like your pastor, really believe they are changed. I think of Paul after he got saved. Before he was saved he was life threatening to Christians. After he was saved it took the believer’s time to accept that he was a believer. Time is on your side. If the person is who God has for you, then the love, the flare, and the attraction will last. Remember, your goal should be to have it last a lifetime, not just a moment.  (Note: we plan to cover the topics of salvation after marriage, death of a spouse, and divorce and remarriage in other articles. If you have personal questions feel free to give us a call or email. This is a topic that is near and dear our our hearts. Sue Lemmon)

Headwaters Baptist Church